adam crouch was not born in the swamp. adam crouch, like all normal children, was born in a hospital. many of adam's powerful enemies have banded together to craft the lie that he was born in the swamp. it's not true. if they confront you with "evidence" of this, believe me when i say that it was faked. if they show you certain photos that appear to show adam crouch exiting a uterus in terrain that is undeniably swampy, ignore these photos. those photos have been photoshopped. this falsehood has haunted adam crouch for his entire life. 

Early Life

southern illinois, where adam was born and raised, isn't even swampy. sarah bush lincoln hospital in charleston illinois is roughly 200 miles away from the nearest swamp. this swamp is known as cache river, and to be honest, it's not even very swampy. it technically fits the definition of a swamp, but it's not anything like what you've seen on national geographic or whatever. not that it matters though, because that "swamp" is a 3 hour car ride away from where adam was born. 

adam's dad is a farmer, and the early days of his life were spent on and around that farm. i'm not sure what you guys know about farming, but swamp-like terrain does not successfully yield the growth of corn and soybeans. so, if you still needed an alibi, that would be it. 

casey illinois used to be home to 2700 people and 0 of the world's largest items. after adam grew up and departed from there it became home to 2699 people and 8 of the world's largest items. these large items are all in the guinness book of world records and far too heavy to stay above the water level in even a not particularly marshy swamp. 

College

adam crouch went to greenville university in illinois and studied music business. at this small liberal arts institution he took many courses about a variety of different topics. in health class he learned that the likelihood of someone surviving the unsanitary birth some have suggested he had is astronomically low. in intro to law he learned that these rumors are technically libel. in creative writing he didn't learn much, apparently. but, despite constant public embarassment, adam somehow found the courage to walk across the stage at commencement in may of 2015. 

Professional Life

after finishing a collegiate music business program with two music business internships under his belt, adam got offered a job in portland oregon at a record label called "humble beast records". there, thousands of miles away in portland, adam thought that he had finally found solace from the constantly circulating lies surrounding the location of his birth. unfortunately, he underestimated just how powerful and influential his enemies were. after just about a year in the pacific northwest, his past caught up with him. this was the last straw. it was time for this age of turmoil at the hands of his persuasive rivals to come to an end. adam finally decided to take a stand. he concluded that in order to combat his antagonists, he needed to become the master of two things: messaging and social climbing. advertising seemed like the obvious choice. today, after years at wieden+kennedy in portland and new york, adam practices as a senior copywriter at anomaly LA, where he continues to hone his skills in an attempt to one day dispel the speculation and clear his name of swamp related discrepancy. adam crouch was not born in the swamp.